Social Media Safety in Schools: Conference Takeaways

Yesterday I had the pleasure of attending After School App's second annual Social Media Safety in Schools conference in San Francisco. I connected with Jeff Collins of After School during the early planning phases of the event and supported him in making intros to a few educators and mental health experts. It was incredible to see a colliding of folks I know professionally and personally (including Christine from CHC, my middle school principal who is now my peer!) all converging on a common goal: learning and collaborating on teen suicide prevention and social media.

At the start of the day, moderator David Ryan Polgar stated that social media is a tool. It's like a hammer, which can create useful, beautiful things -- but on the flip side, can inflict pain on someone. It all depends on the way that the tool is used. This theme rang true throughout the day. We had some stellar speakers and panelists, interactive breakout scenarios, and inspiring conversation. A few of my takeaways:

1) The Internet has Redrawn the Suicide Landscape

While suicide has existed for centuries, there's no question it is rising at a troubling rate. New inventions in technology have changed the landscape - access to information is quicker than ever. Dr. Elias Aboujaoude of Stanford talked about the ease of access to pro-suicide websites, the new phenomenon of live streaming suicides, and the increase of cyberbullying. Mental health professionals' new must-ask question is "have you been googling suicide lately?" Of course, it's not all bad - technology can also support people in crisis by surfacing mental health resources and connecting people to digital peers going through similar struggles. Jordan, the Head of Product at 7 Cups of Tea (peer counseling resource) discussed the incredible mobilization of users when K-Pop singer Jonghyuhn's death brought people in crisis together on their platform, consoling one another and finding community.

2) Importance of Voices in the Room

At this conference there were students, mental health professionals, educators, and social media companies. These voices were all so important, and we were especially glad to have students' opinions. On the student panel, they shared about social media only being a small sliver of the picture of what life looks like, and the urge to see more positivity in their social feeds. The student voice continued to play a huge part in our breakout sessions, in which we formulated responses to a mock scenario of a death by suicide at a high school. We discussed the role administrators should play and the steps they should take and what students might to do respond to suicide threats on social media. I was so impressed with the differing opinions in my group -- from clinicians, to school administrators, to teens -- that made our solutions increasingly rich.

3) The Harm (and Hope) the Media Can Cause

Johnathan Frecerri, former Wellness Coordinator at Paly and now Principal at Lydian academy shared this experience of working in Palo Alto Unified School District, which happens to be the district I attended high school in. He started in 2009, when the first suicide cluster hit - this was also the year I graduated and a time I remember clearly. The sensitivity and tension following suicide clusters in Palo Alto were made worse with the media's sensationalistic coverage of the tragedies. The CDC studied over 200 articles regarding suicide that came out during the 2009-2014 in Palo Alto, noting some positive tactics used - discussion of resilience, coping strategies, inclusion of mental health resources - and negatives that the media included - explaining the means used to complete the suicide, using harmful and sensational language. On average, the CDC found .5 positive attributes and 4.3 negative attributes in these articles. But, there is a shining example of positive media, coming from my own Gunn High School and my own Oracle Newspaper (I worked on Gunn's newspaper all four years of high school - wonderful times!). The Oracle and Kristy Blackburn have created the "Changing the Narrative" series, which I was interviewed for a few months back, highlighting raw and brave stories of resilience amongst students and staff that provide hope.

4) Who is Responsible?

As Tom Insel, former Director of the National Institute of Mental Health and co-founder of Mindstrong, brought the informative day to a close, he stated the facts. There are 45,000 preventable deaths in the US each year from suicide. That's approaching the number of deaths by AIDS in the epidemic's height. We were able to cut AIDS deaths by 70%. We've done this before. But someone needs to be held responsible. This is true at a national, systemic level, but also each of the stakeholders in attendance - clinicians, educators, teens, social media companies, media - need to do their part.

To that end, we finished with an empowering exercise from Matt Soeth of #icanhelp in which each attendee wrote down one or two measurable actions they would take in the next week to do their part in continuing the conversation and promoting teen mental wellbeing. I committed to writing a blogpost to share my experience at this event, and taking a crisis counseling shift in the next week. I'm leaving this event feeling inspired and eager to move the needle on supporting youth mental health, on and off social media. What can you commit to?

Spirit Rock: Foundations of Mindfulness

The grounds of Spirit Rock

I’ve been visiting Spirit Rock Insight Meditation Center for a few years now, attending various day-long programs on meditation, yoga, and mindfulness. It is a quiet, beautifully still space located in Woodacre (North Marin), started by Jack Kornfield and full of incredible teachers. It’s a nestled on a golden hillside, it has spiritual and down to earth feeling, different from some of the bougier places. It feels like a pure insight meditation center.

Last Friday I attended Mark Coleman’s Essential Buddhist Teachings - The Foundations of Mindfulness. Driving up from San Francisco, I felt an blissful feeling of calm drop over me as I drove through the seemingly slower, one lane towns just minutes from SF. This program was the first of 5 sessions, and I loved how Mark shared knowledge in a useful but consumable way. 

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is noticing the present moment with curiosity and without judgement. It is an intimacy with experience.

Some examples Mark gave...

• Mindfulness is like standing in a watchtower, with a 360 radial view of your surroundings
• Mindfulness is like a cow herder lying against a tree, watching her cows. Relaxed but alert.
• Mindfulness is like an elephant, who is unable to look at things by turning its neck but must turn its entire body to view something - full presence.

We then dove into the foundations of mindfulness, utilizing different practices to bring us there.

Mindfulness of the Body

Grounded awareness in our body is a path to awakening. We become detached from our bodies - they are like apendages, separate from us. We have complicated relationships with our body, how they look and how they operate. Mark said that some children in the UK were asked what the purpose of the body is, who answered “to hold up the brain.” And we have been conditioned to think that our brain is much more useful and important than the rest of our body!

Through mindfulness of the body, however, we can embark on the practice of coming home to the temple of our body. Our mind, with its 15,000 - 55,000 thoughts per day (WOW!) can make us feel homeless and unanchored. It is so common to feel lost in thought and live in constant partial attention -- reading while eating breakfast; scrolling social media while on the bus. And this partial attention takes away from appreciating and being present in mundane but powerful situations - like simply enjoying this beautiful winter day.

We then started a 20 minute seated meditation on the body. First, using the breath to help bring us into the present moment. Next, using a body scan - starting from your toes up to your head and neck, focus on the major body parts and how they feel. This was one of the longer meditations I have done, and I definitely had a swarm of thoughts rolling in and out of my mind. But Mark reminded us that meditation is not being without thoughts, but a practice of returning from distraction.

Mindfulness of Vedana (Feeling-Tone)

Vedana doesn’t directly translate to English, but this foundation was very clear for me to relate to once Mark explained it. Every experience we have, we label - pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. We gravitate toward pleasant experience - which on the surface sounds well and good, but in reality creates a self-created state of suffering. Because...life is impermanent! Experiences are impermanent. I know I can relate to looking forward to something - a dinner, a trip - and I am so excited, putting all of these expectations on the experience, and then it passes! And truly, I am almost always let down because of the high expectations I put on it and because...it comes and goes so fast. We cling with dear life to positive experiences or people, and fear unpleasant experiences.

Experiences in and of themselves are not positive or negative. For example, traffic. It just is an experience. We associate all of these negative, annoying thoughts with it. We are in pursuit of pleasure, terrified of pain, and fear the neutral -- we can’t stand to be bored or still and alone with our thoughts! This concept is the seed of reactivity and suffereing, and it dictates and binds our life.

Mindfulness of Feeling-Tone is meeting experience as it is, without reactivity. Finding ease in the midst of experience. Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is the power to choose response. For example, running late to a meeting is an experience I’ve had. My response to it - being angry at myself, stressed out by the situation, and potentially even rude to those around me because I’m so flustered - those are my own responses to the situation. And, they are not going to help or change the outcome at all! We have the power to choose our response, and as Mark and Buddhist teachings suggest - find ease. Even in the ultra pleasant, and in the bad moments. Try to seek the middle way.

This mindfulness of our reaction towards events reminds me of my favorite Yoga Sutra that I learned during my yoga teacher training. Yoga Sutra 1.2 - So as the mind, so as the person, bondage or liberation are in the own mind. If you feel bound, you are bound. If you feel liberated, you are liberated. Things outside us neither bind nor liberate us. Only our attitude toward them does that.

I found this day-long mindfulness lesson to be grounding and informative. I'm looking forward to getting back to Spirit Rock and it's incredibly tranquil golden hills soon. 

Life Audit Exercise: Move into 2018 with Intention

I’ve been following Ellen Chisa’s writing since meeting her at a Product Conference in SF in 2012, and I came across this article, “The Benefits of a Quitters Mindset.” There are multiple gems in there about frameworks to weigh decisions and the benefits in saying “no,” but I particularly liked one exercise on taking a Life Audit that helps you understand what’s on your mind, how you can prioritize what is most meaningful to you, and move you towards living your Ideal Life. When I read this section, I immediately bookmarked it and saved it to complete later.

This morning, after completing my newly minted daily routine of stretching and meditation, I steeped some Genmaicha green tea (guaranteed to make you feel warm, cozy, and healthy) and I set out to complete the exercise. On Post-In notes, I wrote down lots of 2018 goals and things on my mind, without thinking too much. This included everything from “participate in a silent retreat” and “take an artistic class like ceramics” to “shed fear” and “find a job with a combination of partnerships, internal cross-functional work, and heads down/solo tasks” -- yes, I'm hoping for it all.

After writing down about 20 of these goals, or intentions, as I like to call them (goals can feel weighty and stressful!), Chisa suggests you group them into major themes. What are similarities you’re seeing? For example, “write more” and “find a creative outlet” would likely be grouped together, and I’d place “join a non-profit board” and “volunteer in the mental health/mindfulness/yoga space” together. With larger post-it notes and a pretty marker (my boyfriend Nick is a designer and I get the luxury of using his fancy Japanese pens) write down the larger themes you’re seeing. Mine were “Wellness”, “ Create + Travel”, “Profession + Social Good”, and “Self-Reflection + Mantras.”

Based on what I mapped, I picked 3 intentions to focus on as a priority for the next month. There were some things, like “join a non-profit board” and “go on a road trip” that I absolutely want to do later in the year, but I know are lower priority for me at this moment (especially considering I’m currently looking for a job!). Below are three of my intentions with next steps.

• Write More

  • Pick up my journal daily. Sometimes I feel paralyzed about what exactly to write about, it feels like it needs to be profound. Lately I’ve been reading “Journal Book”, a sweet present from my mom for Christmas, with thought starters and topics to write on that encourage introspection

  • Write a few blog posts (like this!)

• Shed Fear

  • Daily affirmations: I say these after my 10-minute meditation sessions. For the next month, my intention will be to shed fear.

  • Remove victim-based stories that I’m telling myself. One example: I was chatting with a friend about a role at her company. She called me out on the phrases I was using, eg “There’s a very slim chance I’ll get this job, I’m totally not qualified, but could you refer me?” She’s all about empowering other women too, and called me out by asking me why I’m so adamant I won’t get this job. Why am I even using that language and putting those thoughts in my head and out into the world? Thanks Emilia. Done with that.

• Seek work that combines partnerships, internal cross-functional work, and heads down/solo tasks

  • Informational interviews with various second degree connections in my network to get a better understanding of what their roles look like. Schedule coffees or phone calls with people in Partnerships, Product Marketing, Program Management to help illuminate what I want to focus my job hunt on.

This was a really helpful exercise to organize the constantly swirling thoughts and goals in my head, and help me feel a semblance of control. It also uncovered themes - for example, I wasn’t aware that I was craving a creative outlet so much.

I hope this Life Audit exercise helps you move with intention into 2018.